P i s s e d & C o n f u s e d

‘Letting go’, such a big word for me, ‘break-up’, so impossible to do, ‘Single’, so difficult to live, with a heart so broken like this. Am I ready to let go the one and only guy I’ve ever loved? Ready to break such a long-built bond? Ready to live life single which was long been erased from my dictionary? If I am, how come I’m still feeling sad, guilty, unsatisfied & empty? I still miss him, still love him. But is that enough to make things work? If I let him go, is it the right move? Am I making the right decision? ’Scared’ is the best word to describe how I feel right now. Scared of making a mistake, not able to love again and be loved by someone better. ‘Reason’ is what I’m searching for to get things done and over with. Not that it has to but it hurts a lot not to. But then again it also hurts a lot every time we fight. Plus he’s pushing it to end here, right now, at this particular moment. Especially when he made it clear by 'returning' his handphone that's not even mine? Didn't even remember paying for it. SOoooO childish! So NOT him!

'Guilt', is the only reason not to break-up, other than love of course. Guilty for cheated on him twice & got away with it, dragged him around, use him in any way possible & boss him around.

Ignorance & sensitivity started this fight, which is actually a common point to start all fights. Why?? Haven’t he learned anything?! & after 2 days not calling / sending sms, suddenly he text me "Geez, missin you..." What the hell?