Les Bleus.. Game On!

I juz can't stop smiling the whole morning. My team unexpectedly won against Spain! Lucky thing I watched the game wearing France official jersey. Although initially I was a lil bit reluctant to wear it, knowing that they definitely will loose based on their past performances. But then I thot to myself, since they're goin to play for the last time in the WordlCup Germany 2006 tonite, what the heck, I'll juz wear it to give support & show pride of my one & only favorite team. And they actually staggered me by scoring three (3) goals! Each from different players; Riberi, Zidane & Vierra :D So the final score; France-3 Spain-1. Finally they are back in the game! fiuh!

Whatever happens on the next round is not a concern anymore, cuz I got what I want by watching them played like they used to. It gave me something to remember by before Zidane & Vierra retire. That’s all that matters!
Next up - BRAZIL. Bring it on baybeh!

Hey It's 'Us' Again!

Yesterday night I went for dinner & watched football with him, yea ‘him’ as in Ayol. It doesn’t matter what happened initially, but the most important thing was what happened during this event. We went to Spicy, Sri Hartamas cuz I was craving for their USA Chicken Rice *slurp* plus it has a big screen & not crowded with bunch of ‘wannabe’s’. One funny & frustrating thing happened. All the way from his house to Sri Hartamas the car was in a complete silence. Thanx to the inventor of the radio that actually saved the day by entertaining us throughout the journey. If it wasn’t for that I’d be singing my lungs out, as a result of boredom & to show resentment. Even while walking towards the restaurant we were like strangers. After awhile I think he finally realized that it was ridiculously funny but remain his cool to hide it. Until at one point he couldn’t hold it anymore & started to chuckle. And then the normal ‘us’ came to life, thank god!

Look how bad the fight affected him. How bad my anger affected him. But why is he the one who’s so upset? He looked like he’s ready to punch someone’s face. Cuz I noticed he was a bit aggressive to me. You know we used to joke around by demonstrating a small slap at each other’s face if we disagree on something. Cute, but can be dangerous. & so that nite, when I tried to mock him juz for fun, I think he was tryin to keep his cool again by slaping me gently (like we used to do) but it turned out a lil bit too hard. Juz a lil, not that my cheek was bruised or anything. Mmmm

I gotta say he was so wonderful the whole nite. I wish I could juz seize the moment for as long as I could & enjoy it. & so again, we worked it out by not workin it out. So how long can it last now? urghhhhh

P i s s e d & C o n f u s e d

‘Letting go’, such a big word for me, ‘break-up’, so impossible to do, ‘Single’, so difficult to live, with a heart so broken like this. Am I ready to let go the one and only guy I’ve ever loved? Ready to break such a long-built bond? Ready to live life single which was long been erased from my dictionary? If I am, how come I’m still feeling sad, guilty, unsatisfied & empty? I still miss him, still love him. But is that enough to make things work? If I let him go, is it the right move? Am I making the right decision? ’Scared’ is the best word to describe how I feel right now. Scared of making a mistake, not able to love again and be loved by someone better. ‘Reason’ is what I’m searching for to get things done and over with. Not that it has to but it hurts a lot not to. But then again it also hurts a lot every time we fight. Plus he’s pushing it to end here, right now, at this particular moment. Especially when he made it clear by 'returning' his handphone that's not even mine? Didn't even remember paying for it. SOoooO childish! So NOT him!

'Guilt', is the only reason not to break-up, other than love of course. Guilty for cheated on him twice & got away with it, dragged him around, use him in any way possible & boss him around.

Ignorance & sensitivity started this fight, which is actually a common point to start all fights. Why?? Haven’t he learned anything?! & after 2 days not calling / sending sms, suddenly he text me "Geez, missin you..." What the hell?